a GOOD woman

A good woman is proud of herself, she respects herself and others. She is [aware of who she is]. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, nor does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs. A good woman is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all of her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granted, it will soon disappear. A good woman has a dash of inspiration...a dabble of endurance. She knows that she will, at times, have to inspire others to reach the potential God gave them. A good woman knows her past, understands her present and moves towards the future. A good woman knows God. She knows that with God, the world is her playground...but without God she will just be "played". A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons, meant to bring her closer to self knowledge and unconditional self love.


Written by Lisa Vega






--Tania...AKA Nia Janei...THE Prototype

A Naturalista's Change of Heart.

WELP, y'all it's been a while ... like HALF a year since the last time I've blogged (at least on this account anyway). I wanted to wait until I was inspired to write on something I was passionate about. Nevertheless, some of you reading this may be wondering exactly WHAT I have had a "change of heart" about? Well, in my previous post, "Weave??? ...Taboo??? ...Still???" I was adamant in my support of "weave wearing". Yet, since that post I have gone, and still am going through, a life changing transition with my own hair. At the beginning of this year, I decided to go natural. I am currently 3 months into my journey. 


Moreover, in my last post I was a 100% supporter of women wearing weave IF they chose to do so...since then, my outlook has changed. I don't bash women who choose to wear weave (or relax), because I do believe weave can be a great protective hair style IF maintained properly. My issue is that a lot of women wear weave because they just do not feel like being bothered with their own hair and/or are insecure about the hair God has given them. In my last post, I tried to give all women who regularly wear weave the benefit of the doubt; but, NOW I realize that not all women have the same reasons as to why they wear someone else's hair on their heads or choose to sizzle, crackle, and pop their hair strands until they are PERFECTLY straight. 


Even though I chose to make this decision kind of late in the game, "Going natural" was NOT a trend move for me. I take this very seriously; and although I plan to NEVER relax my hair again, I am not writing this to say that I won't ever rock a weave, wigs, or braids again at any point in my future. Yet, after experiencing the last 3 months of my natural hair journey, I am learning what mindset I should have when choosing to wear those hair styles. These styles should be used to protect our natural hair literally, NOT figuratively. In other words, I believe the aforementioned hair styles should be worn sensibly and not as a cover up rooted in insecurity about our OWN hair/texture towards mainstream society. 


I'm not trying to imply that every black woman should stop whatever they're doing and go "BIG chop" their hair to become natural. I am simply trying to get across that more black women should be open to the idea of becoming "natural". I say this for many reasons, some being: (1) transitioning to natural allows a black woman to learn more about HER hair, (2) wearing our hair natural is overall healthier than wearing extensions/relaxing, and (3) the countless amount of $$$ that will no longer go into a hair industry supporting people who don't even have the best interest of black hair at heart. I didn't need to look at Chris Rock's movie Good Hair to know that the hair industry is ran by damn near everybody EXCEPT people who really know how to maintain and care for BLACK HAIR. The hair industry is a fuckin' monopoly for every other community EXCEPT the black community!.... Whew...Lord lol...(excuse my language y'all lol)...


....but I digress...  I guess what I'm trying to get across is that...in my LAST post I took black women wearing weave and relaxing our tresses at face value...HOWEVER ever since I've become natural, I've really begun to learn more about black hair (MY hair), the complex history of why WE as black women choose to wear our hair relaxed and/or weaved up, not to mention the sense of unity I now feel with other "naturals". 


So before you grab that Virgin Remy shade 1B or sit back in that beautician's chair "fiending" for a hit of that creamy crack... just find 30 minutes out of your day to "Google" or better yet YOUTUBE "natural hair". You're sure to find an awesome community of women and even men willing to display their natural hair journeys and answer any questions you have on this subject.


*sighs* That's all I have to say :).
--Tania AKA Nia Janei...THE Prototype

WEAVE...Taboo???... STILL???

*in my Antoine Dodson voice* “WELLLLL!!!……APPARENTLY… “WEAVE” is STILL a “Touchy”, “Sensitive”, or “Taboo” subject!” LOL. Nah, but really, I personally don’t understand what the big deal is about women wearing weaves, tracks, fake hair…whatever you want to call it…??? I myself don’t wear weave at the moment, but I have in the past; and, I would be remiss to say that I won’t wear it in the future.

Nevertheless, even as we are approaching 2011 there are STILL people who look down on, and even despise the fact, that some women wear weave. They see women who wear this hair style as “sell outs” or as being ashamed of who they naturally are. Some feel that women who wear weave are trying to be someone they’re not. They put a LOT of negative connotations on wearing weave as it being the manifestation of a deeper problem with us as Black women not being comfortable in who were are as BLACK women. I’d have to disagree with all of this. Although I’m not an avid “weave wearer”, I generally don’t believe these women are “sell outs”; and I don’t believe they’re purposefully trying to “trick” people into thinking that that’s their “real hair”. Seriously, I’m almost completely sure every woman who wears weave on a regular basis is highly aware of the fact that people are going to be curious. With this being said, I’m also pretty sure that the brave soul bold enough to ask the infamous question, “o_0…Is that your real hair?” will get an honest answer…an answer with slight attitude possibly, but an honest answer nonetheless.

I also feel a lot of women wear weave because it’s convenient and because it gives them freedom of expression with their hair. To many women, hair is an accessory, much like shoes, purses, earrings, etc.  Black hair is so versatile in terms of styling, the possibilities of expression are endless. Those possibilities can range from going back to basics (becoming natural), relaxing our tresses (chemical processing), to adding extensions (braids, twists, tracks, wigs, etc).  

Furthermore, I’ve done almost EVERYTHING to my own hair: weaves, braids, relaxers, wigs, hair dyes, whatever, so unlike a lot of other people I’m very open to trying new things with my hair. Yet, I feel like some women lowkey are too intimidated to try something new for fear of the stigma that society will place on them. For example, a while back, someone literally told me, “...it’s just the idea of fake hair…I just can’t do it.” Funny how this SAME person, wears “fake hair” on a REGULAR basis now. So all I have to say to her is, “REALLY hun, who were YOU fooling?”

Another point I want to make is I find it rather amusing and slightly annoying when men and women turn their noses up at women who wear weave as if that’s “beneath” them. All I have to say to that is “PUHLEASE!” lol. I get a sense that a lot of men feel women wearing weave is unattractive and undesirable. Knowing this, it’s understandable why some women who WOULD have tried it out, NOW in turn shy away from it. Don’t get me wrong though, even though I said I understood why some women would shy away, does NOT mean I myself would do that. I’m self assured with who I am as a Black woman, and I know that no hair style is going to change who I am as a person. Therefore, people can miss me with their irrelevant opinions of how I should or should not wear MY hair.

The main point I want people, especially women, to take away from this is to never let society dictate how confident you should be in wearing WHATEVER hair style you decide wear. Remember that’s YOUR crown and glory, not theirs. Don’t define yourself by society’s standards. Make your own. Know who you are as a person and don’t let outside things like hair and other people’s opinions of you cloud your confidence and self-concept. Also, for those who may or may not still have negative views toward "weave", please open your minds and take what I'm saying into consideration :).

--Tania AKA Nia Janei...THE Prototype

Interpersonal Rescission

If I could pour out my affection...into a million glasses...it's potency...would still take you for a loop... If I could give to you... ALL of myself...without feeling cheated...that'd be God's blessing to me...or God's miracle rather. If I could spread my sentiments... across every continent...it'd still be strong enough to support you... but I assume that's STILL not good enough for you. So self-interested, you don't even give a damn.

I want to give you ALL of me...leaving not a drop, piece, or even a crumble ... but I can't oblige...'cause it's the same as being a fool...YOUR fool to be exact...WHY?...I refuse to be another "fool for love"... because TRUE love doesn't recruit fools. I refuse to relay my mind, spirit, and heart to another thief. A bandit of my true intentions... a squander of my heart's inclination. So, I've decided to withdraw...no longer will I be vulnerable to reckless hands...I want me back. 

--Tania AKA Nia Janei...THE Prototype

Abyss

"Take a chance on love,
Don't lock your heart up because you've been hurt."
....This is so easy for people to say who haven't seen the bottomless pits of this emotion...past experiences still spilling over into my daily...

"Don't take advice from people who are single and aren't even in a relationship of their own. She don't know what she talking about! She don't even have a man."
....This is so easy for people to say, not realizing that maybe that person is alone because they are waiting for that person who's WORTH waiting for...I couldn't disclose to you what I don't know, or haven't experienced...

"Mind your business, this is MY life!...not yours."
....This is so easy for people to say...but if the endeavors of YOUR life affect me in some kind of way and you constantly make me a factor in YOUR equation, don't be mad when I spew out a resolution.

---unfiltered, random thoughts, no specific situation, just a plethora of ongoing experiences---
--Tania AKA Nia Janei...THE Prototype
 

Why I HATE the term "Wifey"....

So many people, especially young people, use the term "wifey" on a day to day basis. Most see it as a positive term, but, I don't. "Wifey" is just another word for "main". It irks me to see how some women in relationships actually work toward a man deeming them as his "wifey". I just see it as another way for some guys to categorize women in ways that will make it easier for them to continue doing the dirt that they do. Think about it. A woman becomes open to man in relationship through her ears, you know...through the things that a guy tells her. Most guys are highly aware of this. 


A man knows that calling a chick his "wifey" is probably the door that opens her up to him, because him doing so sort of gives her a sense of how important she is to him in that relationship. Most cases, where there's a "wifey", there is a "sideline hoe"....or two lol. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't like the word "wifey" because it implies that that woman may not the only woman that guy is involved with. It's like a guy telling a girl that she's his "#1"...that's NOT a good thing. Personally, I don't want to be any guy's #1...I want to be his ONLY one. I simply won't accept a man calling me his "wifey".  At that point, I'd HAVE to let him know, "No. I'm NOT your wifey. I enjoy being with you, and hopefully if things continue to progress between us...maybe one day I can be your WIFE." 


To the ladies who may be reading this, it's all about having respect for yourself. Don't limit yourself to being someone's #1 (wifey), when you can one day be someone's ONLY one. That wifey sh*t is for the birds and basic b*tches. I'm creme de la creme honey...are YOU? :). 
--Tania AKA Nia Janei...THE Prototype

The "Dime a Dozen" Theory

I was asked to discuss the "Dime a Dozen" theory. According to www.usingenglish.com, if something is "a dime a dozen", it is extremely common, possibly too common. This saying is looked at the same way in society. Someone being referred to as coming “a dime a dozen” is NOT a good thing, especially since every person would like to think of himself or herself as being “one in a million”. The saying is used in many contexts, but I'm going to talk about it in accordance to relationships. Generally, there's approximately 2-3 times as many women in the population as men. The statistics get even worse when it comes to the Black population, with a great deal of our men in prison or dead. 

The previously mentioned may be grim to think about, but lets look at it in terms of economics. The less of a product there is on a market, the higher the demand for that product (men...specifically GOOD men). Well with women, the very opposite is the case. Men know that women outnumber them to a certain extent and some of them take full advantage of this fact. Some men look at like, “Why settle down with ONE woman, no matter HOW good she may or may not be, when there are SO MANY more woman out there just waiting to be blessed by my attention and/or presence.” Lol. Yes, I may be joking a little bit here, but this is NOT far from the actual mindset of a lot guys out there. I'm not trying to put ALL guys out there in a "box", but lets be REAL. This IS the case for the most part. 

I’m only speaking from personal experience and stories I’ve heard from other people.  Many people, not only guys but women too, use this as reasoning to cheat or do whatever other type of “dirt” they do. What one woman/man won’t do, ANOTHER woman/man will. Think about it. If people, specifically men, didn’t know there was a surplus of the opposite sex out there (many of whom are willing and waiting to do whatever they want) they’d maybe try a little harder to MAKE things work in their current romantic relationships. Instead, I believe this saying, “a dime a dozen” is used as a cop out for people to go and do whatever with WHOMever they please. My opinion…but do me favor and just take a second to think about this...:). 

-Tania AKA Nia Janei...THE Prototype